


Numb

by kenezbian



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenezbian/pseuds/kenezbian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a short vignette-style piece about grief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> Required listening: Fall Out Boy - Novocaine

The apartment was dark when he got there. He scratched Roxy behind the ears and brought her for a quick walk, then told her she was a good girl when they got home.

 

He only turned on the kitchen light long enough for her to eat dinner, then turned it out when she was finished. He skipped dinner again.

 

He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and popped off the cap, throwing it aimlessly on the counter and taking a swig as he walked away.

 

_ Joel. _

 

His name was on his mind with the first taste of that fucking beer. Joel was a wine guy but there was a craft beer he liked from one of those microbreweries over in who-the-hell-knows, and he'd bought him a six pack as a going-away present.

 

Joel had given him one out of the pack.  _ To remember me by, _ he said.

 

He sat down heavily on the couch and sighed, petting Roxy when she jumped on the couch and curled up next to him, sighing as he stared at the bottle in his hand.

 

_ It's not like we're never gonna see him again, _ Adam had reassured him. He scoffed. Like Adam knew shit about shit anyway.

 

He finished the beer and set the bottle next to him on the floor, leaning his head back and sighing as he stared at the ceiling, cursing the taste on his tongue. "Bullshit," he says to himself, scrubbing a hand over his face, fingers tingling with the alcohol in his veins.

 

Joel had been tempted for a while now. He lost count of how many times Joel cornered him.  _ You guys don't need me, my job doesn't exist here anymore. You've got this, I know you've got this. _

 

He'd gotten angry once.  _ You think you're just gonna be some Disney prince, flitting off with the songbirds and getting your happily ever after? That's not how that works! You're gonna end up on a wild goose chase and picked apart by vultures when you're done. That's how this industry is, Joel. You're safe here! Stay with us! _

 

Joel had been angry back.  _ You don't need to be so goddamn selfish! I'm a grown man! I'm about to get married! I need this freedom, I need to keep charging forward and becoming better and Funhaus is just holding me back! _

 

He sighed and stood up, kicking over the empty bottle as he walked to the bathroom. He grabbed a couple of advil and swallowed them dry.

 

They'd apologized, made up, gone to dinner and hugged it out, but it wasn't the same. Couldn't be the same. And that last week had been awkward as all get out.

 

Roxy barked at him, she needed to go outside again. He grabbed the leash and shoved his feet into whatever sandals were by the door and as he was patting his pockets to check for his keys the empty bottle on the floor caught his eye.

 

He grabbed it as they left, carried it limply in his fingers as they went around the block a couple times.

 

He took a shortcut through the alley on the way home, a skinny lane with concrete and dumpsters on either side. It was dark and it was dangerous and it matched the mood in his head.

 

He stopped in the middle, looking around for anyone who might see him and then down at the bottle. Brown glass, crooked hand-applied label, as empty as the office had felt when Joel left early on his last day because he had a wedding menu tasting.

 

He wanted to throw that bottle, smash it on the pavement and scream until he choked on his own noise. He wanted to go back to his apartment and drink every drop of alcohol he owned until he couldn't see straight anymore, until he couldn't remember what grief was or why he was feeling it.

 

Instead he just gave it a soft underhand lob into the nearest open dumpster and walked Roxy home. It hadn't helped with Spoole, it wouldn't help with Joel.

 

He still didn't turn the lights on when he got home. The notification light was blinking on his phone where he left it on the coffee table; it was a text from Matt saying he'd be home late.

 

He didn't reply. Matt had read receipts on, he would know he saw it.

 

He kicked the sandals into the corner and walked down the hallway to his room, falling into his bed and pulling up the thin blanket, not even bothering to take his clothes off. Roxy curled up at the foot of the bed, like always, and he nudged his feet under her fluffy body.

 

He laid there in the dark for a long time, willing his heart to go numb, because being numb has to be better than his grief, right?

 


End file.
